Capitalism commodifies our most sacred moments. The holidays are no exception. The “season of giving” is the season of spending. With the holidays seen as a marketplace, we’re expected to buy our way to happiness. The social pressure to meet these obligations is overwhelming. Capitalism has worked to make poverty personal and to frame struggling to survive as an individual's failure. Many people cannot afford the financial demands of the holidays and work tirelessly to fill the gaps: logging extra hours, chasing bonuses, and forgoing vacations to make ends meet.This dynamic is deliberate.
Capitalism thrives on the idea that self-worth is tied to productivity and consumption. The holidays exemplify this message. Heartfelt advertisements of hardworking parents or delivery drivers connect heroism to forced labor, and our reward is a loving community, usually in the form of a nuclear family. Capitalism preys on a grief already in the hearts of many to compel individuals and communities to overwork, perform, and withdraw to escape the feelings of inadequacy and emotional deprivation that capitalism breeds.
Grief and the holidays
Grief isn’t seasonal; still, the holidays intensify grief. We become acutely aware of our loneliness and sadness. It’s not only the loss of others but the loss of a dream sold:
It’s the most wonderful time of the year. But studies confirm it’s also the most exhausting.
According to a 2023 American Psychological Association (APA) survey, 89% of adults feel stressed during the holiday season, and 41% report higher levels than usual. Stressors like financial concerns (58%) and grief or missing loved ones (38%) were top of mind for respondents. A majority of those surveyed (63%) used negative words like “stressful” and “overwhelming” to describe the season. People with pre-existing mental illness note the holidays can worsen symptoms, with a National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) survey finding that 64% experience a decline in well-being.
Grief, in all its forms, shines a light on every shadowy corner of our existence. It sits in the empty chair that everyone avoids. It enriches a prayer for collective peace and protection. It’s the sharp tug of envy when belonging somewhere—anywhere—feels just out of reach.
The holiday season brings it all together: love, loss, and longing. Grief doesn’t take a vacation, and its constant companionship can be brutal in the midst of holiday cheer. Grief can linger in the background, manifesting in avoided topics at the dinner table, awkward family exchanges, and moments of profound silence. Every innocuous thing becomes a small reminder of what’s painfully altered, what or who won’t change, and how it will never be the same again.
Breaking holiday tradition
Our culture offers us a few ways to coexist with grief. One says “grin and bear it” for a shiny, new family photo. Another insists on gratitude to suppress disappointment. And, like all things under capitalism, there’s a script that asks us to buy away our sorrows—preferably with a subscription and free shipping.
But grief is not something to hide or fix. Grief is not the enemy of celebration or the cause of our misery. It’s evidence of our humanity. Grief is a multilayered response as unique as our fingerprints. Grief is energy that can take shape as sadness, love, anger, and yearning—usually all at once. Grief is in everything and everyone. And to grieve during the holidays is to participate vulnerably in the real work: remembering, honoring, and holding what’s precious.
With these things in mind, grief and the holidays offer us an opportunity to revise our rituals and sustain new measures of togetherness that can live outside the confines of capitalism and the nuclear family. There is no correct way to go about it.
But I’d like to offer three encouraging permissions to consider for the holidays. Each offers hope and practical advice that transcends the limitations placed on our interconnectedness and grief.
The 3 G’s of grief: resistance in the face of holiday expectations
The 3 G’s of Grief—Give, Grow, and Go—offer a framework for reimagining how we engage with the holiday season, especially in the face of grief. They remind us that grief is something to be acknowledged and cared for in ways that honor its full complexity.
1. Give: In a capitalist society, giving has been reduced to consumerism. Challenge the message that love is bought to secure connections and deliver what’s actually needed: time, care, and attention. Giving in this way is about presence over performance—whether that means self-care through resting, showing up for a friend in isolation, or offering a listening ear to a stranger.
2. Grow: Growth is disruptive and courageous. It can disappoint and upset others, including ourselves. For the holidays, growth may require you to opt out of family patterns and social expectations. Growth can mean disengaging from capitalist scripts to find new rituals of meaning-making. Shifting your focus from consumer-based celebrations to communal care can look like acknowledging dynamics or relationships that no longer serve you, speaking up when silence is demanded, and not allowing discomfort to deter you from living in alignment with your values.
3. Go: To go is to move with grief—not to escape it or numb it, but to honor it. Moving may look like leaving a toxic environment, a toxic mindset, or a toxic habit. If you tend to isolate on holidays, you can find a mutual aid space to spend time with others. If you visit family that hurts and harms you, you can name rather than normalize your discomfort to seek repair or reconciliation. If your thoughts spiral and leave you feeling like too much of a burden to ask for support, you can call a warmline or ask a friend for a spot at their dinner table. You may even go to spaces where you can physically, mentally, and emotionally process your grief for the holidays. This can look like mental health care, peer support groups, walks in nature, or death cafes. Going is about moving through the pain of grief, not around it. Going is seeking connection in spaces that allow healing.
Confronting the reality of grief and the holidays
The holidays are a time when many people are forced to face their grief individually and collectively. Grief is a universal experience that demands recognition daily. To approach grief with care, especially in a society steeped in capitalist ideals, it’s necessary to reject narratives that commodify joy and stigmatize grief. As we destroy and deconstruct systems of oppression, we must also build new ways to go forward. Extricating our grief is a practice to adhere to now, not a future to wait for.
As we navigate the season, let us remember that grief should be embraced with tenderness and curiosity. And learning to confront grief collectively and with intention is how we find power and liberation in the struggle.